Tales of a Black Friday

The Good

After striking out at several locations in the wee hours of the morning, I headed home to drop off a few items for my dad.  I tried to sleep to no avail, and plotted round 2.  While mildly more successful than the initial trip, when I got to Wal-Mart for the second time (8:30a) I was rather dejected and primed to loudly reject capitalist consumerism.  I stopped into the Sprawl because I was right next door anyway.  My object d'amore was a $39 Western Digital 500GB portable hard drive.  It was to be a gift.  When I hit Wally World the first time (5a), there were none to be found.  As I lumbered in, my eyes heavy, I repeated the mantra "anything can happen" to myself.  When I reached the electronics department I found several of what seemed to be the hard drives on the shelf, where there had been only empty space earlier.  As I approached the electronics manager, he sighed towards me "That's the not the one that's on sale."  Then, poof, he was gone.  I grabbed the flier and compared serial #s.  They were identical, save for the last 2 characters.  The drive in my hand ended in 00, while the sale item's last 2 were WM (ostensibly for Wal-Mart).  I found a price check scanner and ran the box through... $79.99.  I took a deep breath and asked myself if I had the wherewithal to barter with the drones at customer service.  Guilty for missing deals earlier on, I grabbed the drive and flier and trudged east to service desk.  Betty, a clueless but kind sexagenarian, was first to assist me.  I told her "This is definitely the item in the ad, but the guys in the back say it's not."  Betty was as baffled as I, so she called Katie, a floor manager, over.  I delivered my spiel again and Katie, after first comparing the circular to the absolute wrong # on the box, cited the disparity between the serial #s.  She also informed me that the advertised items had been left off the truck, had never been delivered.  Also, Wal-Mart was not giving out any rain checks, nor substituting any similar item, nor even informing the customers when the truck would arrive. As I asserted my intent to solve the mystery, Katie called, from her sleek headset, assistant store manager Chuck from parts unknown.  After spinning my yarn for the 3rd time, Chuck re-iterated the difference in serial #s.
Me - "Chuck, WM stands for Wal-Mart.  They're the same thing.  Look at all the specs."
Chuck - "But they're not."
Me - "Chuck is there any way you can tell me when the sale items will arrive or will I have to camp out in your electronics section."
Chuck - "Well, if they get here after 11am, they won't be $39 because our doorbuster sale will be over."
Me - "OK, then sell me this one for $39."
Chuck - "But it's not the same item."
Me - "It's the same item in a different box."
Chuck - "But it doesn't have the same serial number as the one in the ad."
Me - "C'mon Chuck, I understand invetory depletion and replenishment.  I know the computer can't tell that they're the same, but you and I, we know."
Chuck - "Good.  I'm glad you understand that.  Maybe you can also understand that the specially boxed items were purchased at a huge bulk discount and if I sold you this one, we'd be taking a huge loss."
Me - "But you just said that if the special drives get here after 11am you won't sell them at the advertised price.  Shouldn't that cover any loss on this drive?"
Chuck - "But we don't know how much those drives will sell for because we don't even have a UPC to scan."
Me - "What about the serial #?"
Chuck - "Doesn't work."
Me - "Chuck, is there some other way I can get this?  On-line (I already knew the to be sold out)?  At another Wal-Mart?"
Chuck - "Do you want me to check on-line?"
Me - "Yes."
(A long pause as Chuck fidgets with the computer and pulls the sale item up on the screen.)
Chuck - "Uh-oh.  This isn't going to help.  They're sold out on-line."
Me - "Chuck, I will give you $39 right now and then come back later and pick up the hard drive."
Chuck - "But if they arrive after 11am, they won't be $39."
Me - "But I'll pay you now.  Put my name behind the counter."
Chuck - "So you want a raincheck?"
Me - "That would be fine."
Chuck - "I can't do that."
Me - "Chuck, I wasn't even talking about a raincheck.  A raincheck is the promise of a specific price at a later date.  I want to pay you now."
Chuck - "You're obviously upset.  What can I do?"
Me - "You can sell me this Western Digital hard drive for $39."
Chuck - "But it's not the one on sale."
Me - "Chuck, let's get down to nuts and bolts.  This is the same hard drive in a different box.  You know it.  I know it.  It's been on your shelf so long there's dust on the box."
Chuck - "What do you want me to say?"
Me - "Well Chuck, you can either say that you'll sell me the drive for $39 or you can, as an agent of Wal-Mart, implicitly state that you will not stand behind your company's name and years of great service and that you will not satisfy me as a customer."
Chuck - "What will satisfy you as a customer?"
Me - "Sell me the drive for $39."
Chuck - "Is there anything short of that that will satisfy you?"
Me - "A raincheck would be fine.  Or, as I suggested, I'll pay you now and you can save one behind the counter for me."
Chuck - "But since they're sold out online, we may never get our shipment.  I could write you all the rainchecks in the world and it wouldn't do any good."
Me - "Chuck, we're saying the same thing.  You're trying get me to see your perspective and I'm trying to get you to see mine: they're the same hard drive."
(At this point Chuck picks up the hard drive and types the serial # into the computer.)
Chuck - "You know what, you're right.  They're the same thing.  It would be dishonest, disingenuous, not to sell it to you for $39.  I'm sorry this took so long."
(I throw my arms in the air, touchdown style.)
Me - "But I'm getting the drive for $39?"
Chuck - "Yes."
Me - "That's all I ever wanted.  Thank you, Chuck."
(We shake hands.  I win.)


This took about half an hour, when it should have taken 2 minutes, but, in the end, I got the win.  I was the only person to acquire a Western Digital 500GB portable hard drive for $39 from the Macedonia Wal-Mart on Black Friday.  I was elated.  I'm sure sleep deprivation had something to do with it, but there truly is nothing like a well-played, good, solid win.

The Bad

- I was awake for 38 straight hours.

- The same netbook that I got from Best Buy last year, after waiting in the freezing rain for 3 hours, was no longer a doorbuster and $50 cheaper this year.  It was of the 2 day sale.  No hurry to grab it, right?  Wrong.  When I got to BB @ 5:30 they were sold out.  How misleading.  Now my mom doesn't get her gift.  Jerks.

- Before I went back to Wal-Mart I headed to Target for a 1TB portable for $70.  I checked their website thrice before I left and the digital omniscience claimed the item to be in stock not only at my local Target, but at all in the NorEastern Ohio area.  Just pop back in and grab it, right?  Wrong.  Sold out.  Thank god for my mass debating skills.

The Ugly



The Lessons

(1)  If you're jonesin' for a Black Friday item, if it's not a doorbuster (cross your fingers), if you want to avoid lines, aggravation and injury; go out around 8am.  The maniacs are gone.  The laissez-faire are still sipping coffee and you can slip in and out ;-j without much grief.

(2) The retailers have to do something about this, spread out the sales, make everything available on-line, ticket in-store items days in advance, something.  This whole tradition has spiraled wildly out of control.  No item is worth savagery above.  Or maybe we just all become Buddhists.  I wonder what that would do to the economy.

The Chuckle

I was in Kohl's at about 12:30p.  Their doorbusters were about to expire at 1p, so the lines were pretty freakin' long.  As I approached the registers, your classic Harley-man (leather vest, scraggly beard, carrying a extra keg under his shirt and reeking of cheap tobacco) approached me and asked if I could purchase his jeans for him.  Quizzically, I informed him that I wasn't paying in cash.  He replied that he would give me the $35 for his Levi's and an extra $10 for my trouble.  I told him he had picked the right guy.  I won't get into the details of Kohl's myriad of promotions, but I did get an extra $10 coupon because my total eclipsed $100 with Altamont's dungarees.  Good times.  I wonder why he picked me?

Cheers.