What Brown Has Done To Me

After over a decade, The so called Cleveland Browns still cannot field a competitive professional football team. I demand a refund! Not only did City taxes pay for a stadium, and all of us fans spending millions on tickets, and souvenirs, but also the billions we have spent on beer, alcohol and other tailgating/ bar expenses. I would also like to begin a class action lawsuit for the emotional damage of an entire region, along with medical costs for hospital expenses from the fights that have broken out since 1999 as a result of true fans fighting Cleveland Steelers fans. - The Levite

Colt fumbles for the 6th of 19 times on Sunday.

So, the Brownies have gotten pretty goddamn embarrassing.  Sure, their record is 3-4, which doesn't seem so bad, but let's dig just a scoach deeper.  With last week's thrilling 6-3 victory over the Charlie Whitehurst led Seahawks still fresh in mind, also recall that victories 1 & 2 came over the Colts and Dolphins, who have a grand win total of... well... zero.  These three glorious successes have come by an aggregate margin of 12 freakin' points.  Good lord.

Today's rushing leader, in an abysmal loss to the Niners, was Chris Obamayami-something-or-other, whose previous life highlight had been showering next to Colt McCoy at UT.  In his defense, O'bangin-yo-mama did amass a solid 37 yards on 11 carries.  Hell yeah!

And why was Oh-god-no-waya toting the rock?  Because Sam Jackson's Mr. Glass character from Unbreakable is real and he wears #31.  When I first heard that Hardesty was hurt, I was sure that he had torn the ACL in his mutant third knee, just to complete the set.  Sadly, his tweek (as noted on Twikker.com) is a strain of the right calf or goat... chicken/sheep, whatever.

Even that wuss-bag disability isn't as bad our very own Curse of the Madden Cover-boy.  Peyton Hillis has been pulling his own hamstring for a solid two weeks now.  My own inside sources report an alternate diagnosis involving Hilshits' visit to Golden Gate Park following the Raiders game and resultant large quantity of sand lodging snugly within his vajazzled Man-gina.  At least he, and consigliere Tom Hagen, had the dignity to break off contract negotiations given Pgeyton's (silent G) 287 total yards and 3.8 yards per touch in 2011.

Perhaps worst of all is the spectre of 4 losses to Baltimore and Pissburgh over the season's final 5 weeks coupled with possible wins against St Louis, Jacksonville and Arizona.  The result of this equation?  No playoffs.  No top 5 draft pick.  Only another regrettable season of faulty talent recognition, an absent brain trust and poor execution.  Oh and, of course, the cold, steel grip another losing team.

It's days like this (i.e. most of them) that make me glad that the Brown and Orange are often preempted by the Buh-jengals in my Columbus market.

What a great reason not to watch.

At least the Cavs are still undefeated.

Cheers.